How My Hand Puppet Facilitated the Most Beautiful Break Up of My Life

I had been dating a lot for the past number of months. I was on dating apps and really putting myself out there in ways I never have before. I was really healing my avoidance in real time and it was working! I have learned SO much! About men, about dating, but most importantly about who I am, what I want, and what I need.

A little while ago I decided to take a break, to enter into a period of celibacy and re-ground with myself. Just a couple weeks later I met a man. Let’s call him J.

Within minutes of meeting, I felt such a joyful, magical, soulful connection with J. I found myself laughing and bantering with this man, totally captivated by him and our connection. It felt like a friendship I have been longing for my whole life…a homecoming. Our attraction was obvious and life giving. After just a short time connecting, I felt myself deeply dropped into myself in a way that is SO rare for me with men but really with anyone. I felt my genius alive, my mind alive and clear, my body humming and electric.

There was SO much connection and chemistry. I looked at our charts together and my whole being melted. Our synastry is beautiful and life giving. Our composite chart is filled with love that rolls into itself, wave upon wave.

It was simple, it was beautiful, it was FUN, it was magical, it just was. 

And yet, I kept having this feeling…this deep feeling in my gut that kept saying, “Careful. Caution. Protect your heart with J.”

At first I thought maybe this man could be a pickup artist. He kept saying ALL the right things. I thought maybe he just wanted to sleep with me, that maybe he was just too young, not ready, that maybe he was running from something, had a wild past. We didn’t really know each other. 

Trust builds slowly over time.

So even though it felt a bit early in our journey, I began initiating conversations with him, expressing my clearer intentions. 

I am 33 years old. 

I have a window of time. 

I want a family. 

I am ready to build something with a man who wants the same.

I am not fucking around. 

J heard me. He would seem to get a bit uncomfortable but he kept coming back to his spoken desires for the same. 

I didn’t trust him.

But I so deeply wanted to.

And the joy was so palpable. 

He felt like family. 

Our last time together we were sitting there, in such full, deep, and rich connection, and I decided to pull out my puppets. They wanted to meet him.

I began with Lambchop…who usually either scares people away or lures them in. Lambchop is wild and unruly. Uranus. She/they push the limits, are untamed and unapologetic. J loved Lambchop and they bantered away, exchanging hilarities and irreverences. 

Then out came Baba.

Baba is slow, gentle and ancient. Saturn.

He is Grandfather Giraffe, Grandfather Time.

J immediately dropped in with Baba. I could feel he really trusted Baba. Baba is simple and direct and clear. They spoke slowly together, their systems regulating.

Baba then did something that surprised us both.

He said, “J, you realize this woman is incredible, right? You realize she is totally ready to meet and make a life with the man of her dreams. The question, is J…and it’s a very important one…Are you ready?”

J looked at Baba and sat with him and with this question for a long time. He then exhaled and said, “to be honest Baba, I am not. I am not ready like she is.”

His truth hung in the air like a sting and like a beam of light. Truth does that, you know. It pierces. It stills. It clarifies.

Baba stayed with J a bit longer and they talked about next moves, how to tend my heart, how to walk away with courage, to let me go free. I was blown away. J was blown away. My puppet had just facilitated our breakup.

You see, with the third party present, we both had perspective…and Baba’s NEUTRALITY became our anchor point. 

And even though Baba really lives in me, the archetypal world inspires creativity and perspective wherever it goes.

I cried and J held me, but I didn’t need anything from him. The universe had perfectly orchestrated it all, the timing, the truth, the beauty.

In Yiddish there is a word: Beshert.

It means “soulmate”, but the direct translation means the destiny of two people meeting at the right time and place. I believe J is a soulmate of mine. And this isn’t the right time for us. 

If it’s meant to be, it will be, but for now, I cleanse my heart and turn my face to the rising Sun and run, I run toward this warm embrace, this ancient knowing. I run toward truth, toward remembrance, toward the family I want to create, toward the children I want to birth and love beyond the heavens, and toward the man I am ready to fully love.

…

The next day, J and I dropped in on the phone to integrate a bit. He told me he was sad but mostly in awe. He said his heart has felt more clear and honest than it has in a long time. He said he couldn’t believe it took a puppet to ask him the questions he really needed to ask himself. He said he would never forget Baba nor Lambchop and that he would never forget me and all he learned and all we shared.

We laughed a lot together on that call. Our friendship and connection is magical and timeless.

He is soul family. 

We hung up. 

It was incomplete yet complete

It was imperfect

Yet utter perfection.