Shared Family Values in the Birth Room

The other night I sat with a beautiful couple as they awaited their cesarean birth.

One of my favorite things about my work is getting to work with couples who are at the threshold. I watch them in their excitement, joy, fear, falling, freaking out…their dreams coming true in real time…on no sleep…with one another.

The hospital was full and so was the operating room. Fortunately, this mama was not in super active labor, her baby was doing well, and she was quite comfortable.

So we cozied up and hung out to pass the time as she and her husband prepared to meet their son. They had been waiting patiently for SO long! Soooo long! (She was over 42 weeks pregnant.) They were ready!

We played Uno, listened to soothing music, and talked about the past days and weeks leading up to this moment. All the anticipation and confusion, the longings and decisions, the frustration and hope.

I then asked them about their marriage, their relationship, how they met. They poured out their love story, their challenges and breakthroughs, their ups and downs. They have been together 12 years…enough to really deeply know the people their are building their family with.

They joked and poked fun at one another, sometimes talking about the other to me as if they weren’t there. It was tender and light and cathartic, given so much stress was present in the days and weeks leading up to this moment.

I imagine they haven’t had a third party, an adult to see, hear, and witness their journeys. They are from different countries and they emphasized their differences and how meeting halfway and accepting the other has been a struggle in many levels…and yet they have grown so much over the years.

I then asked them a couple questions that I love asking couples who are about to have a baby.

“What are your shared family values?

What kind of loving family are you bringing your baby into?”

They both softened.

The whole room got quiet.

They looked at one another, each gazing into the eyes of the one they have chosen and committed to for all this time and for this next leg of their journeys together.

“Kindness.

Generosity.

Patience.

Permission.

Safety.

Honesty.

Love.

Growth.

Being a good person.

Showing care.

Being aware of others.

Meeting halfway.

Accepting one another.

Accepting what is.

Two feet in.

Saying YES.”

As they spoke their values, to me, but really to one another, tears pooled in their eyes.

The room seemed to fill with light.

Their son wiggled in his outgrown home, ready to be held in the arms of his loving, kind, honest family.

As I lovingly and consistently tend my own dreams for partnership and family, I am inspired, over and over again, by the ones I witness and serve.

I see what it looks like.

I see what is possible.

I am ready.